I always read different dating gurus repeatedly tell guys that they have to “be confident” when approaching women. This is generally good advice, of course. A confident man is, after all, a huge turn on to a woman. In fact, I would venture to say that a truly confident man who is objectively ugly will virtually ALWAYS do better with the ladies than an insecure, extremely good looking guy. Women actually value confidence over looks instinctually. It has to do with evolution. Women are wired to seek a man capable of protecting them and their potential offspring. A confident ugly dude will generally be better protection than a good looking wimp. So the woman’s nesting DNA tells her to be attracted to the confident ugly man over the good looking insecure one.
A man, on the other hand, is wired in a completely different way.
A man has no real biological need for a confident woman. It’s nice if she’s confident, of course, but the man generally doesn’t rely on a confident woman to propagate his DNA. The man is merely wired to pair his sperm with the best DNA he can find. What is the best general sign of good DNA in a woman? Physical attractiveness, of course. This is why dudes are wired to go for physical hotness above all else. It’s that simple. This is why 90% of porn customers are male. This also explains the wandering eye of most men. Men are visually oriented to seek good DNA by assessing a woman’s looks. Every time his DNA recognizes some nice titties and a nice face, it drives him to wants to pair that DNA with some DNA of his own.
So all the gurus keep telling us: “Be confident when you approach women.” No problem, right? Wrong. If only it were that simple! If only confidence were something that you could just turn on and off at will. The faulty assumption here is that you can just fake being confident even when you really don’t feel that way deep down in your soul. Think about this. Unless you’re Robert freakin DeNiro, you’re probably not going to be that good at faking confidence if you really don’t have it. Hell, a big part of the reason you’re trying to bang a hot chick is so you can get some freakin real confidence. Shit, if you only could bang this hot girl, aside from the purely sexual pleasure it would give you in the moment, it would in fact greatly aid your confidence level generally. So you see the Catch-22 most men face when they lack confidence and want to approach women. You can’t fake confidence. Either you are or you are not confident, and most women can instantly spot the difference. (This radar is what keeps most women from being raped, by the way.) So the advice to “be confident while approaching women,” while certainly true, doesn’t really help you all. They might as well tell you to “be rich” when you have no money.
The real question is how do you make yourself truly confident so you can approach a super hot woman with real confidence and not some horrible fake version of confidence that most chicks see right through and reject. Most men go will indeed pursue monetary success or fame to get that confidence. And while these trappings may help one’s confidence with women, they by no means guarantee it. There are a hell of a lot of rich, insecure dudes. Even with all their dough, they can’t get a woman to save their lives. Meanwhile, there is a surefire shortcut to real confidence that is 100% guaranteed to work, and it takes about 5 minutes.
Here is an exercise that will make you more confident than 99% of all men right after you do it. The trick is that you actually have to physically do this exercise not just think about it. Anytime you feel your confidence wane, repeat it. Hell, just do it every day for good measure. You won’t believe the results.
Take out a single piece of paper. Write out every single thing that you believe makes you a lucky or blessed person right now. You should be able to fill the page from top to bottom. Things like, “I’m lucky that I am healthy and disease free” or “I’m lucky I have good job,” or whatever; ANY REASON you can think of that you truly believe makes you a lucky guy. Just the act of writing those things down and seeing that piece paper filled up with all things that you usually take for granted and look past will create a huge boost of confidence and satisfaction within you. Trust me on this. The feeling will be genuine confidence and it will last for days.
The reason this exercise needs to be repeated often is because your brain is naturally wired to focus on the things that you don’t have. Your brain is also naturally wired to focus on reasons you are unlucky. In other words, your brain is wired for dissatisfaction. This makes sense from an evolutionary prospective. Having a brain wired that way is the best way to ensure your survival and the survival of your DNA. Having a brain wired instead to be always satisfied is probably not the best thing for your survival. Indeed, dissatisfaction is what drives us out into the world to spread our DNA in the first place. It’s what motivated you to read this article and to do all the other things you have done to improve your life. The problem is that the natural feeling of dissatisfaction kills your self-confidence and that in turn gets in the way of approaching women.
So just try the confidence building exercise I’ve outlined above. It really works. It is, by the way, a technique that some of the most successful people on the planet practice on a daily basis. It’s basically an overt act of counting one’s blessings. I know it sounds like a cliche, but if you really do it, it will be the functional equivalent of taking a confidence pill. Just try it once and you will automatically see what I’m talking about.
Please send feedback to Mike Trojan on Twitter @Mike_Trojan