A lot of talk has been going on this week about CM Punk not being on Raw. Everyone is either decrying or defending Dave Metlzer’s story saying that it was either poor journalism or that he was 100% honest and said it was only single sourced so it’s your fault you took it as Gospel. Or you might be like the other 95% and simply not care.
However, here’s the problem: Dave Meltzer HAS failed, as has ever other internet wrestling journalist out there because they have all failed to give enough attention to the biggest wrestling news of this year and possibly ANY year. Who is John Cena going to face and how this could legit be the most dangerous, toughest, and possibly career ending fight of his entire life. Right now all the internet smart marks seem to think that Cena is going to fight Bray Wyatt at the ppv. Pffft, where’d you get that ridiculous notion from? Look with your eyes and think with your heads, the clues are all around you. John Cena is going to be in for the fight of his life…
Stupid ridiculous overplayed old cartoon character. And Fred Flintstone is there too DHLEE!
as captain of Team Fruity. Oh, don’t laugh my loyal readers, this isn’t some silly publicity stunt because John Cena has a rival. A dangerous rival in this game of sweetened puff rice supremacy, and that foe’s name is the one and only Kyrie Irving.
I totally didn’t have to Google search who he is
The story going around WWE Headquarters, and my living room, is that Vince realized that the highest drawing PPV of all time was WCW’s 1998 Bash At The Beach. These are numbers and this is fact, Google it up if you don’t believe me. If, however, you do find different results then you’re obviously not as good as using Google as I am, I suggest more practice.
So what made Bash at the Beach such an insane draw? The use of pro basketball players of course. Again, facts, Google it. Now to be fair, most of my intelligent readers probably have read up to this point and said, “Well Duh Ed, everything you said is not only 100% true, but we already knew all this”. Well, don’t worry my friends, I have more news about this Wrestlemania Main Event. For one, word going around the living room is that this fight could actually not be a scripted match at all, but instead the first EVER Wrestlemania Shoot Fight!
Apparently Kyrie Irving feels so strongly in his conviction that chocolate flavored rice cereal is the dominate flavor that he refused to actually lie down for the WWE Superstar. Likewise, John Cena’s convictions about fruity flavored rice cereal being the be all and end all of the cereal universe are similarly strong. The two have actually come to blows behind the scenes at least 17 times in the past week, so Vince McMahon finally threw his hands up and said if they wanted to fight so badly they could do so in the ring.
However, Vince being Vince had to throw in the stipulation of having Torito and Hornswoggle dressed as Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble at ringside. No word yet over which wrestler will be portraying which cartoon character. That is one Wrestlemania Mystery that will remain unsolved until the night of the show.
When I reached out to Cena for commentary about why Fruity Pebbles were so important to him that he’d actually risk his career in a legit fight over them, he simply commented, “When the fans start chanting Fruity Pebbles I get to Hustling”. Hustling, as you may or may not know, is a slang for masturbation that is primarily used in the northeastern part of my house. So there you have it, John Cena has a fetish for Fruity Pebbles, one so strong that he’s willing to fight to the death over it…. LIVE AT WRESTLEMANIA XXX:
This poster is 1.00% real.
I’m Ed DiFolco, and if you enjoyed this you can friend me over on Facebook, (SuperfriendEd), until next time I have to say that I’m proud I could give you such hard hitting, fact checked, quadruple sourced…
Big D: “What the hell was that?”
I was making a statement. I was being bold. I was giving the fans the truth. I was…
Big D: “You stayed up all night eating Fruity Pebbles again, weren’t you?”
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