A few months ago, I was being quite productive as a writer, both for this site and my site. But it has arrived at a point where I can’t give a darn about anything I used to be a fan of, except for penguins and Transformers, and I don’t have the moolah to finance my fandom for them. One of these interests I used to care about is wrestling. Come January or February I will have been a fan for WWF/WWE for 30 years, but I don’t even bother to DVR Raw anymore. What will it take for me to come back? Well…
1. Get rid of the Authority
I am beyond done with villainous authority figures We have seen this crap for 18 years in WWE, and WCW and TNA has done this as well. I thought we’d be done with that crap in Survivor Series 2014, and they brought that feces back a month later. Use Vince like they used to use Jack Tunny back in the day…seldom seen and when he does, action happens.
2. Get rid of the crap by 2016 Royal Rumble
Quickly find out what your former fans hate about the current product (Sheamus as champ is high on that list) and make sure it is gone by the Royal Rumble. It is the start of the build up to Wrestlemania, when more attention is given to the product, so there is no time to dilly-dally.
3. Wrestlemania 32 is the launching point.
There is never a better time to start fresh then Wrestlemania, where your former friends will briefly return to the product. This is the time to hook them again.
4. Throw $$$ at CM Punk
Yes, Phil Brooks can be a bit of a diva at times, but he was the guy most over with both the hardcore fans and the general audience. I can understand why WWE would still be pissed when he laid out a bunch of dirty laundry at the right time for it to not be countered by WWE, but the fact is that both sides need each other. Give him a five year contract with a LOT of zeroes.
5. Make the triumvirate of Michael Hayes, Ryan Ward, and Vince Russo be the Creative Team
Whoever is writing the crap now needs to go. To get things done you need the right mix. Michael Hayes is known to make a great product on Smackdown, and needs to be given greater control than he has been given. Ryan Ward has been the main writer for NXT and, having listened to him on the old Sunday Night Submission web radio shows, I know he gets it both from the hardcore fan and general interest fan what they like and want. Besides, he once said the wisest thing ever to pop out of anyone’s mouth on the pre-show he did for WWECW December to Dismember: “Bedford Crenshaw…professionalism at its best, ladies and gentlemen”. Vince Russo is a controversial name among hardcore fans, but he isn’t as well known to the general audience and he knows how to add pizzazz, as well as having a better wrestling mind than people who diss him at wrestling newz sites (besides, his audios are far more entertaining that your PW Spywares have been able to offer for the past 5 years.). There are people who say I am out of my mind to say Russo. Look, I don’t want him to be the sole voice, as he is unable to see when he has bad ideas, and he cares too much for pizzazz, but at least he is looking for that, and it is pizzazz that gives RAW a higher rating. Besides, after some of the crap I’ve seen, Russo would have to be an improvement. Was anything Russo did as bad as HHH doing necrophilia dressed as Kane, or having DX find a whole kangaroo court of midgets under the ring?
6. Back to babyface champions
Unlike the NWA, WWE has been the home of babyface champions: Sammartino, Hogan, Austin/Rock, Cena. It’s two nadirs have been when heel champions have reigned: the Yokozuna era and the current era. But if it wasn’t for Reigns hiccup as champion, the WWE title has been held by a heel since August of 2014, and for 8 of the 12 months before that a heel held it. Find yourself your top babyface and let him be the conquering hero.
7. Replace the U.S. Title with the Hardcore title
The WWE does not need both the IC title and the US title. Granted, the best use for having both belts was earlier this year when you have Daniel Bryan one and Cena the other, but there is no reason they couldn’t be combine, and have that belt be defended at every RAW and most Smackdowns. Let the IC title be the steppingstone title it needs to be, and fold the US title into it. Once that is done you ahve room for a Hardcore title. A recent WWE poll showed that over half ot the fans wanted that title back, and it would freshen up the product. You’d have to gimmick it to protect the wrestlers, but it would lead to exciting matches. Dean Ambrose would be an ideal standard bearer for that title.
8. Improve the announcers
Egads, JBL and Michael Cole are grating. Heenan and Gorilla they are not. Your announcers are the talent that the fans experience the most, so they can make and break the show.
9. Super-mobile wrestlers are BABYFACES!!!
When I see Seth Rollins I can’t help but think of Sean Waltman. If you have a smaller or seemingly smaller, high speed wrestler they need to be babyfaces standing up to scary heels. When they themselves are heels, then they look like snotty brats that need to be shoved aside, and the babyfaces should be embarrassed to have struggled with them.
10. Keep pushing the divas as you are.
The Divas division is the one bright spot of the show anymore. If I decide to briefly catch RAW while watching Radio Dead Air on my computer, it is usually because I hear Paige will soon be on. Divas need to women I want to see both in the ring and in my bed. After Trish and Lita both retired in 2006, almost every Diva since has fit either only one of that criteria, or neither. You have your dark-haired, your blondes, your redhead, and the various ethics save for an Asian, and you just places one in NXT and hopefully will be brought up to the main roster soon.
11. Designate your big 5 for the next 5, and PROTECT THEM AT ALL COST!!!
It is hard to protect everybody, but some wrestlers need to be designated special. Determine which five wrestlers will be your five biggest draws for the next five years, and as I said above, PROTECT THEM AT ALL COST!!! 50/50 booking has been a complaint for at least 10 years, causing the fans to feel “meh” towards most of the roster. Off hand, Reigns, Ambrose, Rollins, Wyatt, and Cesaro seem to be the best bets to be WWE’s big five, althro Damien Sandow should at least be considered. People like Ziggler have been too damaged.
12: For Chilly Willy’s sake, go back to 2 hours.
RAW has been a failure at 3 hours, and it is overexposing the talent. Weekly matches between top talent has been overexposing talent since the Monday Night Wars, and is a big reason why Cena and Orton are so dull now. We have seen both for almost every week for the past 11 years. Adding an additional hours is making things worse. Three hours, unless it is once a month for a PPV, is a chore. It should never be a chore to watch your product.
Will this complete cure the WWE doldrums? Well, it should. There was a quote someone asked Vince Russo in the past week to validate, but I can validate it: Vince McMahon would rather make a dollar doing his ideas rather than make a million doing someone else’s idea. Vinnie Mac’s ego has been his greatest asset and greatest weakness ever since he bought the company from his father. Honestly, I am not sure how much of the current product is his fault, and maybe the fault of too much power in his daughter’s and son-in-laws hands. Steph would definitely eb a reason for all the PC pandering, and the establishment of heels over babyfaces can definitely be seen as the fault of HHH’s. Perhaps nothing will be done, and as a result I will remain a lapsed fan who might just find a way to watch the Royal Rumble every year and that’s it. But if WWE was smart, they would follow my listed demands and Commandments, and make the product better for myself and other fans.
Quoth the penguin…evermore.
My pop culture specialties are Star Wars, Transformers, Wizards of the Coast games, and the 1980s.My scholarly specialties are history, geography, and travel.
Join me every Friday for the Pop Culture Curmudguin.
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