It is becoming ridiculous. Just this week both John Cena and Sasha Banks have become injured. In fact, everyone who had a title belt at the end of Wrestlemania 31 is out on injury, with most of them not likely to be able to perform at Wrestlemania 32 at the big cathedral for football Jerry Jones built for his Dallas Cowboys. What could possibly fill all those seats. Well, it was difficult, but with a little penguin brainmonsooning, here is the best possible card WWE could possibly have for their signature event,
Much depends on whether or not Roman retains the title at the Royal Rumble. Still, Roman is the guy they wish to build the new WWE upon, and Brock is his most threatening opponent. If it wasn’t for the fact that the next “Big Four” PPV isn’t for another 4-5 months (Summerslam), I might consider giving Lesnar the win. But Lesnar is part-time, so have Roman win big here. Besides, they don’t want to risk him being the next Lex Lugar…a supposed “main-eventer” that seems to always lose when push comes to shove.
Undertaker v. Sheamus v. Alberto del Rio
It’s hard for me to enjoy Taker matches, so I want to make sure he can be carried to one more match. For what might be his retirement match, now about Vince McMahon deciding he wants to tarnish Taker’s Wrestlemania legacy once and for all by putting him against two heels that have been kissing the Authority’s ass. The heels can knock Taker out, then fight amongst themselves for who gets the pin, after which Taker pins Sheamus and goes out to ride in triumph one last time.
Ambrose v. Kevin Owens for the unified Intercontinental/US title
I originally wanted this to be a title match, but with hindsight I think this works better. There is no need for both belts; just have one, and let it be the title defended every RAW, like the John Cena challenge was doing. After all, the provided the majority of interesting matches on RAW the past year.
Dudleys v. HHH/Sting
Wrestlemania is a great time for nostalgia. How about an ECW vs. WWE/WCW. It makes a nice parallel from last year’s Hunter v. Sting match, and shows unity. If Sting can’t wrestle, there is one possibility…
Daniel Bryan v. HBK
I’ve been wanting to see this mentor/student match for quite some time. HBK may be reticent to come back to wrestling, but there is little doubt he’d be back for a match if Vince needs hi, and with all the wrestlers on the shelf, Vince needs him. Daniel Bryan is itching to get back to wrestling and, as long they keep it from being obvious they are trying to keep Bryan out of the title match, the fans won’t boo Roman out of the building. If Bryan is truly not ready to come back, then just make thr prior match Dudley’s vs. DX, a match that has never been seen.
Divas Scramble Match
It has been awhile since we’ve seen a scramble match. The reason previous scramble matches haven’t worked is because almost all the competitors need to be believable champions, which the Diva’s division provides.
Bray Wyatt v. Samoa Joe
A recent poll indicated great interest in the Hardcore title coming back. With so many wrestlers on the shelf, they’d have to be careful what they did, but these two could find a way to have a brutal match that would allow both men to walk away unscathed. I initially had the hardcore title match be Ambrose v. Owens, but I realized that this would work better. Let’s showcase Joe to the WWE audience and have a kick-ass match.
Tag Team Battle Royal for the title
It is easy to see a scenario where New Day could get on Vince’s nerves, which can be the storyline reason for this match. They can face the Usos, Lucha Dragons, League of Nations, and any other teams that they can devise for the day.
A.J. Styles v. Neville
We need a dark match, so let’s have a good one showing talent not major enough for the main Wrestlemania card, as well as getting the WWE fans to learn about what A.J. Styles can do.
There isn’t much to work with, but there is at least some talent. The card isn’t impossible; just hard. This is the card that can work wonders.
Quoth the penguin…evermore.
My pop culture specialties are Star Wars, Transformers, Wizards of the Coast games, and the 1980s.My scholarly specialties are history, geography, and travel.
Join me every Friday for the Pop Culture Curmudguin.
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