It’s that time of the year again. The granddaddy of them all. The showcase of the immortals. The Suberb Owl of professional wrestling. The southern dandy of in ring candy. Wrestlemania. Just the name conjures up images of the greatest moments in the pseudo sport we love so much.
HBK saying he loves Ric Flair before kicking his face in at Wrestlemania XXIV teaching us that sometimes love means having to knock out your lover. Hulk Hogan slamming the 1,537 lb stinky Andre the Giant in front of 2 million people live at Madison Square Garden as the pope looked on at Wrestlemania III. Stone Cold Steve Austin, recently turned into a cyborg at the previous PPV defeating a 50 foot nuclear powered robotic Mike Tyson at Wrestlemania LXIX.
But you know what I remember most about Wrestlemania? The music. And I’m going to take you gently by the hand (I love you, please don’t make me kick you in the face) and walk you through some of the all time best instances of Wrestlemania music.
If you’re like me you sometimes forget things. Where did I leave my hat? Have I mentioned I like chocolate before? What PPV is this weekend? Well, I’ve yet to get any help with those first two questions but thanks to Wrestlemania 9 I know what PPV I’m watching.
What to look for:
(0:40) “I’ll show you how to get beat up”Does that mean he’s going to lose to show me how to do it properly?
(1:04) “What show am I watching?” Ohhhh-a Ohhh-a, it’s Wrestlemania! I’d forgotten!
(1:21) OMG we’re going IN! I honestly have nightmares about this.
(3:16) Did they just play the opening in reverse? I honestly can’t tell and I watched it like 3 different times.
Also, did you notice that every time Bossman started talking they’d start singing over him. Where’s the heat? WARNING: This song is now embedded in your psyche. You WILL be singing “oh-a oh-a, it’s Wrestlemania” during tonight’s show even if you don’t really want to. Well, now that we got that warning out of the way and we know what PPV we’re watching, how about the best entrance music ever used in the history of Wrestlemania?
The year was 1933. You may have seen Al Capone dance the Charleston on top of a flagpole. Seriously, how awesome is that old timey music. You know who’d love this? I wonder if my great great great great grandfather Edmund is around?
Edmund: “I am and I quite agree, this is some of the best music I’ve heard in the sport of professional grappling. I must question though, who is that blaggard that comes out and ruins the whole thing with that terrible music?”
Oh, that’s John Cena, you’ll find he ruins a lot in pro wrestling.
Edmund: “Who is this bloke at 0:37? I swear I’ve met his acquaintance before.”
Hm, probably some nobody jobber we never heard from again. Anyway, next up we have stars gallah and stars galore this is a video like you’ve never seen before… unless you’ve already seen it. I might be wrong but I’m pretty sure the singers in this video are Boyz 2 Men around that period where they learned that they were terribly allergic to peanuts. Just look how puffy they are. That didn’t stop them though, they went right out there and whored Wrestlemania X big time.
What to look for:
(0:46) And its crap crap crap?
(0:48) But my mommy says I’m cool!
(0:53) Only the cream of the crop celebrity guests! I love how they all get a mention before they even hint at what wrestlers are on the card.
Of course this isn’t the first time we had rap for Wrestlemania. Oh no! At Wrestlemania V we had a special appearence by C:/Run_DMC, a very popular program for the early DOS system back in the day that used to teach people how to walk in a certain way. It was up to them to present the Wrestlemania Rap! Honestly, and maybe it’s me, but I can’t understand anything that they said other than ‘Wrestlemania’ and “Ho”, but in fairness voice synthesization by computer programs back then was pretty much in it’s infancy.
What to look for:
(0:29) EVRYBDOYBSO… WRESTLEMANIA!.
(0:46) Time for Jumping Jacks!.
(1:20 – end) I have no idea what the hell they’re saying. I think its something about how you need to show caution because these plates are hot. That’s my interpretation at least.
Actually, this isn’t even the first time rap and wrestling joined forces in an unholy union. Anyone remember this from Wrestlemania -4? Now some people have told me that this isn’t an official Wrestlemania event and wasn’t even a WWF event! I scoff at such accusations. I mean, Sgt Slaughter and Shawn Micheals are in the video! That’s all the proof I need and all the investigating I will ever do. Hey, I’m a busy man… Earthbound isn’t going to play itself you know!
What to look for:
EVERYTHING. Every single frame of this video is unintentionally hilarious. But if you are looking for particulars…
(0:04) This is _____ and I’m here to say. Man, even I know that’s a lame way to start a rap.
(1:17) MY EYES!!!! Clearly this is the worst moment in wrestling music.
(3:11) Seizure inducing fun!
Whew, well that’s it for now. I’ve done my job getting you excited for the show tonight. If this doens’t get you pumped for tonight’s show, then nothing will. So when you’re sitting there tonight, watching the main event with those guys who have those particular issues with one another keep your eyes peeled. You never know when they’re gonna bust out and do the Wrestlerock Rumble.
PS: Please feel to leave any comments along with a “hoi D” below.
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